i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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