there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
