Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
