i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
