I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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