I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
