no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
