Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
