just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
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