she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
