yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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