In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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