I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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