.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
