the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
