Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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