meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
