she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
