What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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