I hope mine doesn't look like that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
