im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
