Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
