That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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