Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
