it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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