You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
