he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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