I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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