Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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