Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
