Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
