so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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