I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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