the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
