So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
