She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
