He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
