you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
