i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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