Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
