you guys were way drunker than both of me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
