I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
