where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
