I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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