After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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