I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
