She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
