Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
