Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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