I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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