the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
