Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
